Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
