Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Four minutes until I can fart!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
