So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
