so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
