I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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