i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I wish you could order shots online.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
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