i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
