he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
