Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
