Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
