And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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