i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
the condom got lost in my hair
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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