Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
