Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
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