i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
no, he came in my armpit
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
