Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
