You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
