She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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