I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
