Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Randomize
