you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I look better un-naked...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
