Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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