I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
