Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
