having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
It was confusing and full of hummus
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We left the knife in your bed.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
