I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
