I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
