see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
