so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
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