Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
