Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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