Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
