Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
