Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
