we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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