I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
