FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
