I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
