Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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