Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
