We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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