she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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