I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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