ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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