It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I wanna passion pit in your ass
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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