That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
