If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
