Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
