she looked like the before picture.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you didnt know i had herpes?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
