had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
