I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the day after is always just damage control
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
