I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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