so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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