I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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