if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
