I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
