He is such a slut. More and more my type.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Randomize
